I have a question for you. Are you choosing or cruising in your relationship?
If you’ve been in a relationship for a good length of time, you’ve likely feared losing the spark and warmth that you and your partner have or maybe you’ve actually lost it.
The good news is that any such loss doesn’t necessarily mean that the love is gone. Granted, in some cases, that’s the reason. Some relationships truly shatter because of real, intentional disconnect. There are relationships that die because neglect and resentfulness drain and eventually destroy them.
However, in many other relationships, the reason is something else. The spark or warmth often fades when one drifts from being intentional to accidental in their action. Put another way, the flame dims when the relationship is put on autopilot or cruise control.
It’s what happens in the background when everything else in life is loud. Late nights at work almost entirely replaced late night dates. Deep conversations gave way to too many distracted nights in front of screens.
You likely see where I’m going with this.
For far too long, singles and couples alike have heard the narrative that essentially says love is doomed to fade or words like “just you wait.” Those words are the result of understanding love as a feeling that fades.
The truth is that real love is action that stays.
The action that fueled early dating is what fueled the spark. Feelings don’t fuel love. Love fuels it all.
Admittedly, saying all that I should say about this requires more than an article of over 500 words.
I understand life gets busy. Candidly, that doesn’t mean you can’t pursue your partner.
Get Practical
Maybe you don’t have time for a night out this week, but you probably have time for a simple night in.
Ask the questions that you would ask when you were getting to know each other. It may surprise you to realize how much you have forgotten as the years have gone by or how the answers may have changed.
Ask and act. Ask questions then act.
Don’t let the fact that you’re together stop the pursuit or crush your curiosity.
Your partner wants to be chosen and know it, not taken for granted. If you did your early dating right, you know how to communicate to your love that you choose them.
Do whatever it is you used to do. You’re tired? Do it anyway.
Look. I get it…
Life happens, and there are seasons. We get busy. We get distracted. We get comfortable.
Please hear me: Those aren’t good excuses.
They’re explanations and can be valid. At the same time, if your love is valuable to you, then taking time to express that intentionally is a must.
What Will Change?
If you don’t act, nothing will change. If the core cause of your flame or spark fading, truly is cruising, then what I’ve said in this article has the power to change your relationship.
If that’s what’s happened to you, your spark is not dead, and your relationship is not ending. Your focus just shifted. You got comfortable.
Refocus. Study your partner. Ask questions. Love intentionally, and you won’t regret it.
It’s not chemistry that sustains a relationship but choosing. Choosing fans the flame.
So, I ask you again, are you choosing or cruising?